You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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