My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Randomize
