i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
