1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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