you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
