I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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