Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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