I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
