Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
