I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
