Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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