Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
