Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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