you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
