his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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