I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
