just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
