Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
i've created a new STD.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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