At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
