sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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