We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
