my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
