mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My vagina is officially offended.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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