We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
