I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
