no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
