alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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