i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Is her dick bigger than yours?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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