My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
