pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
