Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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