Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
