you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
