ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
