So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
