where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
