good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
