entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
