How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
