I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
