It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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