He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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