he puts the penis in happiness.
This house was built for laser tag.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
