I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm too high and old for this...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
