Ambien. No doubt about it.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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