You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
