I have demons in me.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
