if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
