Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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