Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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