i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
