I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
