You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
