Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
