I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
